I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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