this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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