I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
