Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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