so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
