i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Someone shit on the floor
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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