i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
