he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
