I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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