thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
