Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
