help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
