Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Welp...herpes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
