Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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