4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
