I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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