we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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