remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize