I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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