At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
