Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
