So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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