My room smells like vodka and shame
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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