I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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