my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
