i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize