you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
