I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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