in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
