Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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