Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
