Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
