Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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