i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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