Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
