Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
