My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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