so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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