he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
