did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im holly from the hills drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
