Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
