it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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