Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
