Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
