Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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