Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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