I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
