And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
