I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
