Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize