and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
