I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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