Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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