Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
