He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
