puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize