then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
