Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize