During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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