Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
