My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
