Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
