I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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