White coat. Heels.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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