I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
