all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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